Thursday, November 18, 2004

Week Twelve - Attempt # 1

"Can I come?"
"No, just stay here - I'll be in and out in 5 minutes by myself!"
"Awwwhhhhhh......." door slams.

Fifteen other doors have simultaneously slammed in the faces of bickering, squabbling, dirty faced little heathens as mothers decidedly leave them behind with dad in the car; while she just runs into the grocery store for 5 minutes.

She runs the list over and over in her head, "Canned milk, butter, peanut butter, bread... canned milk, butter, peanut butter, bread....canned milk, peanut butter, bread... wait, thats not right... canned milk, peanut butter, bread.... awh crap, what was the other thing?"

Aisle 2, 1 minute 28 seconds... canned milk.
Aisle 3, 1 minute 56 seconds... peanut butter.
Aisle 7, 2 minutes, 13 seconds... bread...wheat bread.
Aisle 8, 3 minutes, 8 seconds... chips, soda, wheat thins.
Better go get a cart. 4 minutes, 24 seconds...
Aisle 7, 5 minutes, 11 seconds... who is she kidding? White bread.
Aisle 9, 5 minutes, 49 seconds... Jane Johnson.
Aisle 10, 16 minutes, 3 seconds... now what was that other thing?
Aisle 10, 17 minutes, 5 seconds... Jane again.
Aisle 10, 20 minutes, 38 seconds... guess it wasn't that important.

The checkout lines are crazy... all those other mothers who were in the store for only five minutes are trying to leave at the same time. She spots Jane in Checkout #4... might as well make the best of the wait. 22 minutes, 15 seconds. Jane unloads her cart... Jane has butter. "Butter!" she exclaims like a child on Christmas morning. Fifteen other mothers turn their heads at her exclamation and lend a knowing knod... been there, done that. Backing the cart up, "Excuse me... sorry." 25 minutes, 18 seconds. Aisle 10, butter, eggs, and milk. Checkout #3, 28 minutes, 32 seconds. Finally through the Checkout, 36 minutes, 19 seconds. Mother returns to the car, only to find dad standing outside it. His eyebrows are raised, "5 minutes?"

2 Comments:

Blogger josiejo said...

This is my take on the "5 minutes" web mother's weave, set in the grocery store. While not an "actual" event, its indictive of a typical scenario... so I defend it as "creative" non-fiction.

November 18, 2004 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger johngoldfine said...

Aww, I wouldn't call a finished& teflon piece like this 'Attempt # Anything.' This definitely is not a slice of josiejo's life, it's Harried Mother. Everywoman. Humor is tough, and the best humor, like irony, is found and not manufactured. This works for me. That it all revolves around that lying promise 'Five minutes' sets up everything so nicely....

November 20, 2004 at 5:53 PM  

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