Thursday, September 02, 2004

Week One, Theme (journal 2)

Dropping off the kids for school gets easier every year, thought it would be harder this year. I kinda felt guilty that I didn't cry on Just's first day, I was worried about him; things like "what if he doesn't make it to the bathroom ontime, what if someone teases him and he blows up like he will on occassion at home, what if he cries and wants to come home but can't, and mom isn't there to make everything alright"... "what if he doesn't really need me anymore now that he's off to school and so grown up... sigh". Parenting... the best job in the world, but the only job that you begin to work yourself out of on day one...

The day at home was a pretty somber one. Yeah, I got a lot done, but the house was so quiet... and I kept wishing I could just see what the kids were doing without them knowing I was there watching them... I suppose every parent wishes that no matter how old your kids get.

When I went to pick the kids up I was watching Just on the playground- he was just wandering around, watching the other kids play, not a buddy in sight. He looked lonely to me, distant... it was all I could do to not jump out of the truck and go over by the fence to assure him that I was right there, that I was his friend... that sounds so pathetic on my part. I know he will be fine, but its hard to let one era end and another begin. They were both so happy and had had a great day when I picked them up; Just even complained about having too many recesses and that his legs were sooo tired! All that worry over him and he complains he had too many recesses! Thank God he didn't tell me he was scared or bored or lonely... or that he peed in his pants...

Guess I can stop feeling guilty for not feeling guilty.

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